Year B
 Isaiah 52:13-53:12
 Psalm 22
 Hebrews 10:16-25
 John 19:1-37

May the words of my mouth O God…   speak your truth…

Today is about the loss of hope…  after years of preaching…  teaching…  healings…  miracles…  and revelation…  after promises of the Kingdom…  Peter’s denial shows that he fears guilt by association… No… not me… I don’t know that man…  and the disciples are gone… they’ve run away… maybe afraid of suffering the same fate… the unthinkable has happened… Jesus is dead…

Today is about unanswered prayers… of wondering what went wrong…  of wondering what goes wrong…  how and whether we can pray harder… deeper…  how to pray without ceasing… of saying the right words… and saying them the right way… so that God will not only hear them… but will do as we ask… that God will change God’s mind about us and our circumstances…  so we don’t have to change our minds about God…  after all… what we ask is reasonable… It’s not for me…  she doesn’t deserve that…  why didn’t you prevent that awful thing…  God…  why have you forsaken me…

Today is about a dark void… a dark void in creation…  in our lives… an in-between time… we’re waiting… anxiously…  nervously…  for far too long…  is the other shoe about to drop… will things get worse… what will be the signs so we know when something’s about to happen… so we can hedge our bets…  how long will we have to wait…  God… I hate waiting…

Today is about being out of control… will I get sick even though I eat well and exercise…  will what I’ve inherited from my grandparents remain dormant or make itself known… will my disease get worse…  will someone I love be in an accident… will it be their fault…  will my boss take notice of how hard I work so I’ll be able to keep my job after the merger… will the Twelve Step group really help with my addiction… will I be able to love my children and will they love me back…  will I be able to control what I really can’t control…

Today is about ignorance and hatred… about lashing out…  out of the fear of losing position… or privilege… or authority…  or investments…  or losing who you think you are in relation to others…  ] about how God’s children are too often killed…  because of who someone thought they were… Jewish…  or Muslim…  or gay…  or transgender…  killed by someone who themselves may have had no hope… who may have been brought up on hate…  or who felt trapped… cornered… threatened… and wanted others to feel that way too… or who according to John 16:2… will think that by killing you…  they are offering worship to God…

Today is about how Empire doesn’t want us to have too much hope… we’ve all heard of Bread and Circus… give them just enough food…  just enough distractions…  to keep them satisfied… with blockbuster movies…  and awards and game shows… and state sanctioned gambling…  ever increasing degrees of spectacle…  give them just enough to keep them docile… so there’s no payoff in loving their neighbors as themselves…  but don’t give them too much hope… or things may have to change too much…  don’t give them too much hope…  or they may see the man behind the green curtain…  don’t give them too much hope…  or they may see that the emperor really has no clothes…

I know what it is to lose hope… maybe some of you do too…  dealing with issues we just want to go away…  issues we don’t even want to be there…  because if they really are there…  others might be hurt…  or we will be…  because if they really are there…  and we deal with them…  the world might never be the same…  so we make all kinds of deals with God to just make these things… not… be… there…  because feeling hopeless is feeling like there’s no way out… like there are no options… there are no more choices…  like there’s nowhere new to turn…

I believe this is how the disciples felt… hopeless…  and trying to make sense out of something that didn’t make sense… they left everything behind…  what they knew… who they were… the relationships they had… risked being abandoned by their parents and friends…  and the securities on which they relied…  in order to follow a man who promised a new paradigm…  a new way of being…  a new way of living…  and who brought light and hope…  who made things happen which ought not to have been possible…  of feeding others…  healing others…  forgiving others…

But now…  Jesus is dead…  hope’s embers are waning…  hope’s warmth has cooled…  and our hope with him…  but somewhere deep within the human heart…  we are still waiting to see if God’s breath can breathe Spirit…  and can fan those embers back into a blazing fire…  we are waiting for the mystery of God’s initiative…  but how long will we have to wait…  waiting for the world’s craziness to turn into sanity…  waiting for broken promises to turn into fulfilled promises…  waiting for a new kind of fire…  a new fire…  that holds more promise than we can begin to imagine…

Today is about who we are… and who we’re not… about who we think we are… but really… are not… it’s about finding something deep within ourselves… that maybe doesn’t come from us… but gives us the strength to carry on…  today is about holding on to grace…  about forgiving others even when they don’t forgive you…  about saying…  Father forgive them…  for they do not know what they are doing…

The way forward is right in front of us… ]  is right within us…  instead of trying to make God’s handling of things be different… instead of trying to change God’s mind… can we begin to see that the way forward is for us to change our minds…  can we begin to see that the answers we want are hard to find because we’re asking the wrong questions…  and that we have to die to some of the lies by which we live…  in order to be reborn…  die to outdated prejudices and hatreds…  outdated attitudes…  outdated understandings of what it is to be human…  outdated interpretations of scripture…  outdated laws of so many kinds…  God I can’t even count them…  and outdated expectations of others…  and yes…  even ourselves… 

Jesus is dead…  will we deny him…  and run away too…  or will we stand by at the foot of the cross…  will we shout Hosanna…  or Crucify…  when we fall…  will we get back up again…  will we seek the truth of who we are…  broken but beloved children…  and see each other…  as God sees us…  it is our choice…