Year A
 Exodus 12:1-14
 Psalm 149
 Romans 13:8-14
 Matthew 18:15-20

May the words of my mouth O God…  speak your truth…

In 1975…  Elton John and Bernie Taupin wrote the song…  Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word… it’s a mournful ballad about a romantic relationship that’s falling apart…  it asks the questions…  Why can’t we talk it over…  What’ve I got to do to be heard…  I’m sorry…  two words that don’t roll off some tongues easily…  I’m sorry…  two words that some people think there’s really no need to say when they don’t believe they’ve done or said anything for which to BE sorry…

And that’s partly because we all bring complicated sets of expectations to our relationships and interactions…  many are based on what happened in our families of origin…  how we were raised…  what we were taught directly or indirectly…  what we experienced as normal…  but when two people bring different sets of expectations into their interactions…  those expectations can crash into each other and cause hurts…  and there are times when we really haven’t done anything wrong…  or bad…  or mean-spirited…  but the other person still feels…  well…  how they feel…  and feelings aren’t right or wrong…  and sometimes we can let go of them…  because we know there was no bad intent…  and sometimes we can’t…  ]  and sometimes…  when we muster the courage to be vulnerable…  and tell someone how we feel…  overlooked…  or slighted…  or hurt…  the one to whom we open up just doubles down on why they have nothing for which to be sorry…  No…  stop…  I don’t want to hear it…  and often…  or at least sometimes…  it’s because of how they feel…  criticized…  wronged…  less than…  when we do…

In her book Pastrix, Nadia Bolz-Weber…  writing about some members of her church…  said…  This community will disappoint them. It’s a matter of when, not if. We will let them down. Or I’ll say something stupid and hurt their feelings. I then invite them on this side of their inevitable disappointment to decide if they’ll stick around after it happens. If they choose to leave when we don’t meet their expectations, they won’t get to see how the grace of God can come in and fill the holes left by our community’s failure, and that’s just too beautiful and too real to miss.”

It’s been said that the first casualty of war…  is the truth…  and divorce can be a kind of battlefield…  when those who suffer casualties extend beyond the couple themselves…  to their children…  or to their parents…  or in-laws of various kinds…  I know that from my own experience…  because my former wife did some things intended to have a negative impact on my relationship with our daughter…  or at the least…  to not support it…  ] and in your own families…  some of you may have experienced that kind of collateral damage…  some of you may have found yourselves in the blast radius of that kind of trauma… ] and that kind of sin…  and even just the perception of it…  can create untold and expanding ripples… 

I won’t assume that all of you know what I’m about to share…  not everyone is able to stay on top of diocesan news…  but Bp. Singh…  who was [ here ]  [ at Two Churches ] just last week…  as of two days ago…  has resigned…  and has also been restricted from ministry…  ]  because although Bp. Singh and his wife divorced two-and-a-half years ago…  three months ago… in June…  allegations of abuse and alcoholism were raised by his two sons…  at that time…  the Bp. denied the claims and in order to be transparent…  voluntarily entered the Episcopal church’s Title IV disciplinary process…  and submitted to a comprehensive psychological evaluation…  and our two dioceses put a plan in place that neither dismissed the accusations nor rushed to conclusions…  the intent of which was to determine whether there was anything that rose to a canonical offense…  but remembering that truth itself can be a casualty…  Friday’s outcome doesn’t mean that the Bishop lied and that his family’s allegations are true…  remember…  we’re not always privy to all that goes on behind the scenes…  but even so…  our two dioceses sit squarely in the blast radius of trauma from another kind of divorce… 

An email which was sent on Friday…  reads in part…  Our Standing Committee Presidents have met with Bishop Singh and reached a mutual decision: it is time for him to step down as our bishop provisional, allowing him to focus on the next phase of the Title IV process, his family, and his personal well-being, and allowing our dioceses to step ahead in forward-thinking mission together, focused on our collective ministry and ongoing discernment. The bishop’s resignation is effective as of today… ]  next steps include identifying and calling a short-term Assisting Bishop…  as we had before Bp. Singh was called…  and identifying and calling another Bishop Provisional… perhaps by next spring… 

And we will be restored… but restoration doesn’t necessarily mean restoration of position…  it’s not like the thing never happened…  some people talk about forgiving but not forgetting… ] like when Joseph forgave his brothers…  it wasn’t as if they never sold him into slavery…  but what was restored…  was relationship…  so let me read what the Gospel says…  and not what we want to hear…  If another member of the church sins against you…  go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you…  you have regained that one…  it doesn’t say…  if they acknowledge wrongdoing…  but if they listen…  truly listen to what you think and how you feel…  then you have regained them…  and if they truly have missed the mark of relationship…  then they’ll apologize and their behavior will change…  but if they won’t listen to anyone…  then let them be to you like a tax collector or a Gentile… 

And who was a tax collector…  Matthew was…  Pastor Martin Billmeier writes…  Matthew 9:9-13 recounts the call of Matthew from his tax booth…  in Matthew’s Gospel…  Jesus heals the daughter of a Gentile Syrophoenician woman…  and the servant of a Roman centurion…  and casts out demons from two Gadarene demoniacs…  this is how Jesus treats tax collectors and Gentiles…  so perhaps what he’s really saying is…   don’t stop attempting to bind them in relationship… ] and loose them…  and yourselves…  from the chains of unforgiveness…  resentment…  and other spiritual illness…

Paul reminds us in Romans…  that the commandments are fulfilled when we love our neighbors as ourselves…  and Jesus commanded the same thing…  but neither one of them came up with this idea in a vacuum…  they were sharing what had already been written hundreds of years before in Leviticus 19:18…  about relationships…

Theologian Kathryn Tanner describes Christian identity as a “hybrid, relational affair,” meaning that when it comes to figuring out what we believe, engagement with each other is more important than agreement. Disagreement isn’t necessarily an impediment to a community’s shared spiritual practice; but can itself be a spiritual practice of community formation…   

Tanner’s insight helps frame Jesus’ promise in this week’s Gospel: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” Verse 19 indicates that agreement can bring about divine gifts…  but there are no divine gifts for false or coerced agreement. More importantly, verse 20 requires no agreement at all: It’s simply a promise that throughout everyday Christian life together — in all our “hybrid, relational affairs” — Christ is among us. He hangs in there with us, helping us hang in there with each other.

Jesus doesn’t guarantee that following him will spare us awkwardness…  or discomfort…  or pain…  or that a member of the local parish…  or someone higher up…  won’t sin against us…  but Jesus promises to be with us…  and perhaps…  when we bring this understanding to our relationships…  it may become easier to say…  I’m sorry…  and maybe…  Elton and Bernie’s song will come to mind…