Year A
 Acts 2:14a,22-32
 Psalm 16
 1 Peter 1:3-9
 John 20:19-31

May the words of my mouth O God…  speak your truth…

Some people think…  that when someone is ordained…  they become theologically certain about all things…  but for me…  I’ve become more willing to wrestle with some kinds of uncertainty…  I’m more willing to let the wind of the Holy Spirit…  uncover hidden truths…  even when it seems counterintuitive…  ]  some people wonder if this collar eliminates some kinds of doubt…  and as a result…  yes…  I’m more certain of God’s love…  and if I don’t feel it…  well that’s on me and not on God…  but I may experience some doubts about cosmic justice when I consider that bad things happen to good people…  or vice-versa…  ]  and while some people’s doubts can be put to rest by even a little evidence…  for others…  not even video evidence can convince them…  ]  and for many of us…  the paradox we must overcome…  when it comes to doubt…  is that  𝄆 faith is a mystery of the heart…  which the mind wants to solve… 𝄇  but faith can’t be understood by rational thought…  or by logic… 

We think of sainted Mother Theresa as having unwavering faith…  but in what was a bombshell revelation…  and some of you may remember this…  she expressed doubt…  in a book published after her death…  and which explored some of her letters…  a terrible darkness was revealed in her…  a profound doubt about the self-sacrifice of her mission to the poor…  even about the existence of God…   She wrote…  The silence and the emptiness is so great…  that I look and do not see…  I listen and do not hear… 

Professor John Kavanaugh tells about traveling to Calcutta to ask Mother Teresa to pray for him…  so that he might achieve clarity. “That I will not do,” she told him. “I don’t understand. Why not?” he asked. She smiled and said…  “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to…  and you must let go of it. I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”

Faith does not exist without doubt. The purpose of faith is not to deny doubt…  but to overcome it…   Mother Teresa ignored the opinions of others who questioned the veracity of her efforts…  and she worked through the great emptiness inside…  to alleviate profound suffering for the world’s most desperate…  and out of her experience…  we learn that doubt can either crush us…  or inspire us… 

In todays’s Gospel…  some variation of the word believe…   occurs six times…  and the Greek word that John uses…  pisteos… could just as legitimately be translated as trust…  we tend to think of something that’s believable as being true…  as being trustworthy…   but it’s not necessarily objectively true…  something we can prove by measuring it…  ]  if I say…  I love Joel…  that may be believable but not provable…  but if a Kent County Sherriff stops you along M-6 and says that you were driving 85 mph in a 70 mph zone…  and that she measured it with a radar speed gun…  whether you believed her…  or didn’t want to…  it would still be true…

Theologian Marcus Borg once pointed out that we’re asked to believe…  to assent to things about religion…  which are beyond our ability to comprehend…  but that it made more sense to him that we’re invited to develop a trusting relationship with God… ] and I see this as a difference between trying to understand intellectual concepts which are light years beyond us…  and trusting someone enough… to put your whole life in their hands…

In the 1990s television show The X-Files…  FBI Agent Fox Mulder…  who investigated the paranormal…  had a poster in his office of a UFO with the words… 

I Want to Believe…  and it hung on the wall from the show’s pilot episode through the series finale…  this poster gave insight into Mulder’s character…  because against nearly insurmountable evidence…  he wanted to believe…  and when forensic investigator Dana Scully — a voice of reasoned skepticism — arrives as Mulder’s partner…  the show’s potent mix of faith…  denial…  and doubt was established…

This week’s Gospel about “doubting Thomas” has a similar explosive mix…  yet Thomas’ doubt doesn’t tend toward Scully’s denial…  rather…  like Mulder’s…  it springs from faith…  Thomas is someone who wants to believe…  This is really Jesus!…  against insurmountable evidence that Thomas shouldn’t believe…  Dead people don’t come back to life!…  Thomas has always gotten a bad rap…  but he can be seen as a hero of the faith…  it’s not easy to be the lone voice expressing doubt among a confident crowd…   in the end…  I don’t think Thomas’ desire to see and touch the scars of his friend…  was a desire for proof…  I think instead…  he was looking for connection…  as we all are…  

Our typical understanding of this passage…  is that disciples are hidden away…  in fear of the authorities…   afraid that they will come in…  will break in…  and do to them…  what the authorities did to Jesus…  because we tend to think they don’t believe the Good News…  don’t believe in the resurrection…  because just hours ago…  Mary Magdalene told them about her encounter with the risen Christ…    and yet…  here they are…  hidden away…  and in fear…  ] after all…  just a few chapters before [ 11:7-9 ]…  within the story about Lazarus…  when Jesus said…  Let us go to Judea again…  the disciples said to him…  Rabbi, the Jews were just now trying to stone you, and are you going there again…  so their fear is at least somewhat warranted…

But what if… as Bp. Satterlee suggests…  what if they’ve locked themselves in…   because they do believe the Good News…  and what they’re afraid of…  is that the authorities will come in…  will break in…  and show them Jesus’ crucified body…  and prove that he is indeed dead…   and that their faith is false…  but instead…  Jesus shows up…  and they think…  great…  we’re in our locked room…  we’re in our safe space…  and Jesus is with us…  and we’ll just stay in here… and tune the world out…

And wouldn’t we love to do that too…  with all that’s going on in the world today…  but Jesus doesn’t say…  Pull up a chair and settle in… he says…  As the Father has sent me…  so I send you…  to forgive the very ones who crucified me…  ]  and so maybe what Thomas doubts…  is not that Christ is Risen…  but that Jesus wants to send them all out into the world…  out of the safety of the Upper Room…  ]  and if that’s the case…  if Jesus was sending those in the Upper Room out into the world…  then Jesus also sends us out of the comfort of our churches…  to continue practicing the love and forgiveness that he embodied…   you see…  Easter is not about how we feel…  the Good News from this morning’s text…   is that Christ encounters each one of us…  and we are sent out…  to not only let go of clarity…  certainty…  and comfort…  but to do God’s work in the world…  even though we too…  may carry some kind of doubt…